oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
