Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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