the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Randomize
