found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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