At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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