i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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