somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
