the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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