I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
