speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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