i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
