Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
