I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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