He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
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my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
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I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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