My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
