yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
