Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
