im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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