we're blogging at a bar
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
