Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
