let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
he told me I talked like a deaf person
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
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