Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
