is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
