my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
