maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
