i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize