I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Can Purell be used as lube?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Randomize
