whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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