u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
