"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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