she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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