wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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