am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
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Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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