we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
