Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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