I got chris browned last night
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
