If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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