Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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