Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
