The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
