walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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