Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
