I think i peed on brittanys purse
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
