I think scott just propositioned me for sex
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
