Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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