did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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