I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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