JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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