Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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