its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
