Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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