Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
