so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
