Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
