It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
