god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
