i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
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But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
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Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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