yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
