yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
