I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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