My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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