all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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