Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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