You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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