i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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