grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
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I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
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I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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