I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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