Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
