what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
