Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
