not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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