I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
