why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
