My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
