Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
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