I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
