Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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