Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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