maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
