I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
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Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
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There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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